The Big Envelope

The Big Envelope

Grant proposals were due November 1, with the results not to be announced until mid-February.
I tried not to think of it much during those three long months.  When it would come to mind, I would try not to hope and wish.  I would get out my red pen and grade more essays, plan some lessons, work on other school projects...anything to avoid thinking about the grant 24/7.

As the time for the announcement grew closer and closer, one of my teacher friends--who had also submitted a grant proposal--commented that she could not believe all of the things she had committed to do if she were a successful candidate.  I silently agreed, especially when she exclaimed, "This is going to change my life!"

One cold, snowy Saturday in February, one of my dear friends who had also applied let me know she had received a letter about it.  I was convinced that I would be notified that day, too.  We checked the mail time after time, but the box was always empty, mail having been delayed because of several days of bad weather.

My husband and I had planned to celebrate Valentine's Day, as we had not been able to do the previous evening because of the inclement weather.  I wanted to go, but still no mail.  Maybe it would not be delivered that day.  It was close to 6 p.m., and we reluctantly left for our night out, still not knowing.

When we returned several hours later, it was cold, dark, and snowing.  As we pulled into our driveway, I hoped we would not get stuck in the newly-fallen snow as my husband gingerly made his way to check the mailbox one last time before we turned in.

The words of my mentor for this project, Emily Howell, who had won this grant a few years earlier, rang in my head:  "You want to receive a Big Envelope," emphasizing the "Big."   I knew what a small envelope meant because I had unsuccessfully applied for the grant several years ago.  I was painfully aware of what was in the small envelope:  "We regret to inform you..."  I prayed that if I were to receive the small envelope again, I would be gracious and not heart-broken.

My husband reached into the snow-covered mailbox and retrieved a huge handful of mail.  I could not see its exact contents, but he called out, "It's a big envelope."  Then, he took one look at me and said, "Don't cry yet!  You haven't even opened it!"

But I had seen The Big Envelope, and I knew.

We hurried inside, and I carefully opened it.  I literally screamed what I read:  "Congratulations!  It gives me great pleasure to inform you that your proposal was selected for funding..."

It took quite a while for it to really sink in:  we were going to ALASKA!  I would create a blog!  I would write my heart out and attend a conference of professional writers!  I would write a book!  I would become an author!

Despite the fact that the hour was growing late, we called our daughters and sent many crazy texts to friends.  I texted my mentor and stated that I had received my grant letter.  She misunderstood and wrote back with her consolations, to which I happily replied, "No!  I got it!"  Many happy exchanges would follow that night and in the days to come.

So, if I look a little teary in the photo of me opening The Big Envelope, it is because I was.  I get a little teary even now as I remember the cold winter night when I received The Big Envelope, because I knew it would change my life in ways I could not even imagine.